How the hell did we get here?

After 25 years of living like a man-child with my parents and siblings, I decided to start my adult life out and move out of the family home. Despite my Mum's heartfelt but not totally serious (probably just 90% serious) pleas for me to stay with her forever and ever, my entire family came and moved me in to my new, shiny flat. A month in, my 26th birthday was the perfect excuse to throw a party but I'd not been feeling too great (more on that in a sec) and with the big party coming up, I decided to be an actual grown up and book my own doctors appointment.